I’ve been asked, “How do you know whether you can trust someone?” My answer: “You trust them.” Be smart about it though. You don’t hand over the keys to the Cadillac when you first meet someone. Deep trust is built over time.
If you are trying to figure out whether or not to trust someone, here’s a way to consider it.
On a scale of 1-10 (1 is low, 10 is high), how much do you trust this person? Write down the score.
Now answer this series of questions.
The first set is YES questions. Give one point for each YES answer.
- Do they keep their commitments?
- Does what they say and what they do line up?
- Do they take responsibility for their mistakes or admit if they are wrong?
- Do they listen well?
- On an ongoing basis, when they tell you something will happen, does it happen?
The next set is NO questions. Give one point for each NO answer.
- Have you witnessed them talking badly about a person, and then greeted that same person as a good friend when they met them face-to-face?
- Do they criticize others for a behavior or action that they also have committed?
- Do they manipulate people behind the scenes to get what they want, even if it hurts others?
- When confronted, do they evade or twist the situation, accusing you or another person of having the problem?
- Are they often in trouble but never admit it’s their own fault?
Add up the points from the quiz.
Does your score from the quiz match the score you gave on the trust scale? Why or why not? What does this tell you? Although these questions may seem trivial, they are not. Our character is shown in these moment to moment interactions, and the little things really are big things.
If you initially assigned a high trust score but the score from the quiz was a 5 or lower, your trust meter may be out of whack. This can be painful to work on but, as the saying goes, “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” Find a good coach. Take some emotional intelligence training.
As your own trust-ability grows, so will your confidence and your trustworthy friendships. Knowing who and how to trust is something that can be improved. When you improve trust, you improve your life.
More trust means more success at work and in our personal relationships. I can help build the trust in your organization. If it’s your time to tackle this difficult issue, I’m here to help. Get in touch.